Last night (Saturday) one of my supposed long time friends wouldn’t stop blowing up my phone with text messages. I tried to tell his dumb ass “I’m studying” but, apparently, it didn’t get through his thick skull. He kept trying to invite me over to watch some UFC fight and a following boxing match, with him and his wife. Turning off the cell wasn’t exactly an option either, since I’m a private tutor. So on he went about how fun it’d be, and how I deserved a break from always studying (hardly). My persistence in ignoring him was just about to look promising right until I got hungry. He did say there would be food. Fuck. They got me. I’m a sucker for free food.
So there I sit, at his house, munching on a pizza with my laptop in front of me, still trying to study, when him and his wife scream at me, to look at the screen…something about an old guy I didn’t recognize. “OH MY GOD, how do you not know him? He’s only the most famous voice announcer in history”, his obnoxious wife blabbered. I would mutter a response, return to my work, until the next interruption. This continued, each time my responses were short and slightly inattentive, until finally they’ve had enough. His wife, Jessica, got my attention by probing me with the question, “Anthony, do you believe in God?”
I laughed, looked up and curtly replied, “Trust me, you do not want to talk to me about God”.
Her eyes widened in shock, and then narrowed in anger, as if I’d just murdered a puppy. She takes a huge breath before exploding, “Look at you! You’re always so depressed. You need God! You’re never happy”.
“You’re right. I’m not the happiest person on earth right now, but being ignorant will not make ME happier. Just chill out with the God talk already.” I warned. It had begun to escalate out of my control.
Jessica’s a big girl, and she thinks she’s intimidating because she kick boxes. She decided not to drop it. “Oh, I’m so glad you came tonight. Now I know who you really are!” she said throwing the roundhouse kick that initiated the battle.
“Wait, so I’m a bad person because I know earth’s been around longer than 2000 years, and that the sun doesn’t revolve around earth?” I countered. I’m a boxer too. We continued on, round after round. I jabbed her with logic and she dodged it with ignorance. She even landed a few low blows by digging into my personal life, but it didn’t phase me, I already know I’m broken.
Finally, she stepped into my left hook when she contradicted herself. Feeling a victory I tried to finish her off, but then she did it, an illegal move, “I don’t need logic, because I have faith!”
I stared at her in disbelief. I couldn’t beat that. I dropped the conversation, said some fake words to put them at ease, thanked them for dinner, and left. Thanks for the break, Edgar.
These are my friends…not the only ones, but most of the other friend’s are similar in some way. All I can think is I’m surrounded by idiots, and I am one of them.